Some snippets of the email conversations so far: "Things I would like to do whilst there, would be be see a few of local impressive sights, e.g. Niagara falls etc. Visit Montreal, go out for some nice meals and a couple of nights on piss sampling local night life. I would like to buy a gun and go out Elk hunting if possible..."
And today, after my request that he shuffle his return flight and bugger off early as I have other plans... "Ok, I have reduced it by two days to suit your anti-social requirements, the same sort of time but a day off either end... So that is it now sorted - cool! -see you then. + Any chance of a lift from the airport or do I have to get a moose taxi?"
He's not right, that boy. To the point that I'm really not sure if he's joking about the Elk Hunting...
A limousine took me to the airport from my place for the beginning of my mammoth three week sojourn to the US.
It isn't quite as fancy as it sounds, really. You can either ride to the airport in a dodgy orange (Er. Orange with dents, to be fair) taxi with a guy that can't drive without being two inches off the bumper of the car in front, swerving between lanes perpetually and utterly at random for the whole 30 minute ride for some mythical gain in progress that only he can see (despite you invariably ending up surrounded by the same cars for the entire journey). This will be conducted in a cab of dubious mechanical reliability and quality/frequency of maintenance. It will invariably have several amusing/odd/scary clunks and noises and will usually twitch and kick whenever the car is at a steady enough speed for you to notice it among the driver invoked lurching. The driver wil be constantly on the phone in a foreign language and only acknowledge you when he requires payment, the request for which will be muttered at you as a one syllable grunt, no matter how many syllables are quite clearly required to accurately describe the fare. If you ask for a receipt, he will generally sigh loudly and try and scratch one out on as crumpled a piece of paper as he can find in his pockets.
This will cost you about $40-42 and possibly a few years off your life, if you were stupid enough to keep your eyes open, or worse, look out of the windows.
You ring the above company, and they send a large, shiny black american car (not stretch, but bloody HUGE) that has a full leather interior that is clean, quiet and incredibly comfortable. The driver will be polite, personable, converse at the level you desire - ranging from 'not at all' to 'pleasant conversation' - and will wear a suit and a peaked hat. He will put your bags in the boot for you (although chances are he will refer to it as a 'trunk' for some odd, quaint, reason) and drive you smoothly and competently (for the most part) to the airport. He will then get your bags out for you, thank you for using the company and politely declare the fare. He will hand you a receipt, wish you a good flight and waft gently away.
This will cost you around $47. This is not, let me tell you, a tough decision to make.
Although it does rather help if the company has a mind bendingly amusing name, too. I tried not to snigger and ask for a McReceipt, and barely managed it, to be honest.